C and I were an official couple for 5 months, and then after that for a few months we were… Messy.
Not the wisest thing I know, and in the end I did regret it. But it’s all a learning experience isn’t it?
I had to end it eventually because it was too head-fucky, and the thing is he was the one who ended us at first- he had a good reason to. But with me finishing it full stop, we weren’t able to even be friends: we had been so in love, it had been so crazy and passionate and desperately imperfect that letting go was what seemed like an impossibility. I went through a horrible, miserable place of post break-up depression, but at the same time as I had a thing going on with A (mentioned in Nice Guys Don’t Last) so there was the added stress and fun and drama and the feeling of discovery, that comes with the beginning of a romantic relationship of any sort. Complicated huh? Heartbroken and starting to fall for some one else. But that ended before it could be anything real so there you go.
When school started C and I tried out the idea of being friends, like you would check your body for scrapes after a fall. Tentatively, with expectations but without the knowledge of what they were. Experimental. We were so good together before everything fell apart; it would be… More than a shame to waste that. And so we have managed to hang out a couple of times but… We don’t know how to act.
It’s all new. Trying to find a balance, trying to find harmony. Trying to find friendship.