In June, 2013, I will sit down and puke a load of facts and memorised phrases onto State Examinations thick yellow paper, and thus determine how my life will unfold.
Everyone is telling me to be calm and to try to avoid getting stressed so much that I feel like maybe I should be a little bit more stressed than I am. Because I am not stressed. I’m so blasé and chilled out that it’s almost alarming; I should be bothered, more than I am- I should be bothered.
I just can’t seem to find it in me to worry about it at all. It’s all quite abstract to me, this idea of a few exams having such importance. The thing is, I know that even if I don’t put any effort in at all, if I stop doing all my homework, if I do not study, the only subject I might fail is maths. But if I were to give up on my Leaving Cert in that way, then I would move from honours maths to ordinary level maths, which I presumably wouldn’t fail. Because as of now, I’m doing honours for all of my subjects.
It’s not like I’m not ambitious, I’m actually hoping to get better results than probably most of the country. But hoping is all I’m doing: I’m not doing anything proactive at all…
The only nervousness I feel is about my lack of nervousness, which is O.o