Tag Archives: school

The Leaving Certificate

In June, 2013, I will sit down and puke a load of facts and memorised phrases onto State Examinations thick yellow paper, and thus determine how my life will unfold.

Everyone is telling me to be calm and to try to avoid getting stressed so much that I feel like maybe I should be a little bit more stressed than I am. Because I am not stressed. I’m so blasé and chilled out that it’s almost alarming; I should be bothered, more than I am- I should be bothered.

I just can’t seem to find it in me to worry about it at all. It’s all quite abstract to me, this idea of a few exams having such importance. The thing is, I know that even if I don’t put any effort in at all, if I stop doing all my homework, if I do not study, the only subject I might fail is maths. But if I were to give up on my Leaving Cert in that way, then I would move from honours maths to ordinary level maths, which I presumably wouldn’t fail. Because as of now, I’m doing honours for all of my subjects.

It’s not like I’m not ambitious, I’m actually hoping to get better results than probably most of the country. But hoping is all I’m doing: I’m not doing anything proactive at all…

The only nervousness I feel is about my lack of nervousness, which is O.o 

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The treacheries of sleep

I suspect this is quite a widespread problem but… I have this thing where I am really tired, but when I eventually get to bed, I can’t sleep.

It’s not only that really: my whole sleeping pattern is fucked up. On an average school night I get 4-6 hours sleep, and 6 makes me feel proud- I automatically check how long I will get to sleep before I go to bed. Then on the weekend, it depends where I sleep. If I stay at some one’s house, after a night out, with nothing to do the next day… I might get 15 hours of sleep. It’s quite annoying really, and has resulted in me missing my lift home a couple of times (she drives back from work around 5pm). Then sometimes on the weekend, for certain reasons, I might not be able to sleep for a while, and then after that I feel like shite and have to rest loads.

Last weekend, I slept until 5pm on Sunday and then tried to go to bed again at 12, having school the next day. That didn’t work….

Today, I got home and I went upstairs to my room. I planned on reading a book because I haven’t been doing much of that recently. I was unable to though. I had figured that I had a lot of time because I hadn’t much homework and I wasn’t cooking dinner, nor was I painting. Instead, I got into bed, made a playlist for a couple of hours, and lay there in a stupor while it played. I wasn’t asleep because I didn’t want to give up on my plan of reading. But I wasn’t awake because I dreamt. I think I sort of half slept. It was rather unsatisfying, really. It happens regularly though, that I sacrifice my after-school time to sleep.

Right now, it’s heading towards 1 am. I got up from my “rest” at around 10, read my book. But because I’m so used to going to bed at later times, I was in no hurry to do stuff like make my lunch, because it didn’t sound late to be starting something, to me. I know that when I eventually do go to bed, I will most likely lie in the dark, listening to music, unable to sleep for a while, despite being wrecked. That’s generally what  happens.

Why can I always sleep when I want to do stuff, and not when I want to?

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