Tag Archives: weekends

The treacheries of sleep

I suspect this is quite a widespread problem but… I have this thing where I am really tired, but when I eventually get to bed, I can’t sleep.

It’s not only that really: my whole sleeping pattern is fucked up. On an average school night I get 4-6 hours sleep, and 6 makes me feel proud- I automatically check how long I will get to sleep before I go to bed. Then on the weekend, it depends where I sleep. If I stay at some one’s house, after a night out, with nothing to do the next day… I might get 15 hours of sleep. It’s quite annoying really, and has resulted in me missing my lift home a couple of times (she drives back from work around 5pm). Then sometimes on the weekend, for certain reasons, I might not be able to sleep for a while, and then after that I feel like shite and have to rest loads.

Last weekend, I slept until 5pm on Sunday and then tried to go to bed again at 12, having school the next day. That didn’t work….

Today, I got home and I went upstairs to my room. I planned on reading a book because I haven’t been doing much of that recently. I was unable to though. I had figured that I had a lot of time because I hadn’t much homework and I wasn’t cooking dinner, nor was I painting. Instead, I got into bed, made a playlist for a couple of hours, and lay there in a stupor while it played. I wasn’t asleep because I didn’t want to give up on my plan of reading. But I wasn’t awake because I dreamt. I think I sort of half slept. It was rather unsatisfying, really. It happens regularly though, that I sacrifice my after-school time to sleep.

Right now, it’s heading towards 1 am. I got up from my “rest” at around 10, read my book. But because I’m so used to going to bed at later times, I was in no hurry to do stuff like make my lunch, because it didn’t sound late to be starting something, to me. I know that when I eventually do go to bed, I will most likely lie in the dark, listening to music, unable to sleep for a while, despite being wrecked. That’s generally what  happens.

Why can I always sleep when I want to do stuff, and not when I want to?

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It’s too available.

I threw up from drinking for the first time last night.

I wasn’t sure if I should share this because it doesn’t exactly show me in the best light,  but I figured I might as well be honest about who I am (and hope my parents don’t find this) because otherwise this blog would be a bit pointless…

And honestly, I’m pretty proud that I’d made it this far- nearly 17- before it happened. I also managed to do it for free. Because I have a certain, ah.. Lack of money. I wasn’t even sure if I should go out but I have generous friends and actually, I think that’s why it happened. Because I did not consume a large amount of alcohol- I just mixed Captain Morgans (Anyone know it? Like it?) and Kepplers (which is piss, unless you’re drunk) and Dutch Gold… And I can’t even remember what the beer tasted like.

Everybody was so lovely to me, as T said, “It happens to everyone”. He lent me his new hoody which was actually unnecessary as I had my own and I was still perfectly clean- obviously I threw up in a very lady-like, restrained manner. Everyone actually commented on how well I did, I see to have a talent for throwing up 🙂 Don’t think I’ll try it again though.

I still can’t get over how sweet everyone was, I guess they know what goes around comes around… And in a small town like I live in that will probably be sooner rather than later. Ireland has a reputation for drinking, and that’s because as young people there’s not really anything else to do. Drinking is just such a part of life, for us young ones at least. Around where I live there isn’t even peer pressure to drink, because it’s not something you do or don’t engage in. You either go out and drink, or stay home and don’t drink.  Or you can go out and not drink and have a crappy time because you just can NOT see what’s so hilarious about getting everyone to stand in a line and touch the wall.

Of course if you decide to overlook that, try to have fun without alcohol, there is always there are also the way-too-readily-available class A and B drugs.

I remember when I was younger, getting drink was a challenge that needed entrepreneurial minds and contacts. Now I can just ask one of my friends to go to the shop. Everyone is getting so old.

I’m exaggerating in a way I suppose, but that’s the side of small town life that I see. I actually stopped drinking for a couple of months earlier in the year and everyone was impressed with me, but going out just wasn’t as fun, I’d sit there feeling all shy  and quiet and end up looking after some one else.

I feel weird, as if I keep crossing these invisible boundaries with my life and with what I do. Anyway, I believe I shall stay at home tonight. It’l be the first weekend I’m not out for, that I can remember.

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